JOHN NOTE: I apologize that the blog hasn’t been updated since Friday.  I took an herbal remedy that I’m apparently severely allergic to (and yes, I realize the irony of a skeptical, rational person taking a homeopathic remedy.  I just can’t seem to shake this cough!)  Anyway, after Emmett and Greg were convinced that it wasn’t a demon causing my face to swell and windpipe to close, I got to the hospital and everything’s fine.  But now they won’t stop talking about “the demon Hyssop.”  Oi.  Anyway…questions!

 QUESTION:

Starstealer7: With so many ghost hunting shows out there, why should we watch yours?

GREG: We’re tougher. We find the most out of control ghosts, and put them back in control. Put it simply: if ghosts were a running back, we’d be the linebacker who blitzes the ghosts and tackles them for a loss, in your home. Unless it’s a ghost of an actual running back, that’s much more difficult. But the point is: we’re blitzing for you.

JOHN: I’m a skeptic who doesn’t believe, and I’m on the show. No other show has that. Watch another show, and see if someone ever says: “Gee, that EVP sounds like loud static. There is absolutely nothing going on at this location we cost a network a couple hundred thousand dollars to go to. Oh well. Better luck next week!” I’d be punched.

GREG: Mmmmm.

EMMETT: My research indicates our “Hot People and Ghosts” to “Nothing Happening As We Walk Down Corridors” ratio to be better than any other ghost-hunting show anywhere. * Look at these numbers:

145 to 24

77 to 11.5

8

EMMETT: That shows we’re conclusively at the top of ghost hunting shows. If you want your life to be filled with mediocrity, your TV is waiting. If you want your life filled with awesome…check us out! 

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QUESTION:

Azangel99: http://twitpic.com/6vird – check out these orbs I took at my house. Think I’m alone? NOT  

GREG: You’ve… got a problem there. There’s really only one way you can respond to it: go outside and shout at the white orbs. You’ve gotta do it, and that’s the only way to handle it. If you need a list of insults to shout at the white orbs, we have a list. Make sure as many people see you do it as possible. Obviously, these ghosts like the cold, so the blowtorch is your friend: walk around your house, hitting the orbs with the blowtorch, making loud threats. Make sure as many people see you do this as possible, too: so that the ghosts understand exactly what they’re dealing with.

EMMETT: Despite exhaustive research,  I have been unable to discover any white orbs that could appear in winter. In summer, sure, easy: hail. But winter… it’s a mystery.

JOHN: I don’t think you’re alone, provided “snow” counts as a “person.” However, we could make arrangements for you to overpay us to shovel your driveway.

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QUESTION:

Acrossthenight: Can you recommend or do you know of any Ghost Hunting groups in New Zealand??? 

GREG: I can, or rather, I used to be able to. I had been keeping in contact with a cyber-buddy, R.J. MacReady at a New Zealand Research Facility. I’d e-mail about us, he’d tell me funny stories about New Zealand, like the time he poured booze into the chess machine or the time a dog broke into their research facility. Then, all of a suddenly, he typed: “there’s something here” and I haven’t heard from him in a while.

JOHN: Greg, that was the plot to “The Thing.” You were on the Fan Club’s e-mail list when they went bankrupt.

GREG: Hmmm… that does explain why the e-mails would say things like: “We’re all going to die! To Unsubscribe to this list, click this link!” I thought it was like, a code or something.

EMMETT: Here’s some real New Zealand ghost hunting groups that you probably already know about: http://paranormalactivities.net/

http://www.ghosthunters.co.nz/

http://nzparanormal.com/

EMMETT: If they don’t help you out, let me know. And we’ll make ‘em be helpful. If you’d pay for us to come to New Zealand, we could certainly help you put together a ghost hunting group.

JOHN: Interesting that every time we do an advice column, we end up telling people what we could do for them if they pay us extravagant amounts of money.

GREG: Yes. Odd, that.

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Till next time, keep those questions coming in! Maybe we’ll answer yours next time! Fear nothing, and here’s hoping nothing eats you till next week, at the least!  
 
 * SOURCE: Ghost Hunter Statistics Company, Hoboken, NJ