Demons have bothered mankind for untold aeons.  Sometimes as the antithesis of good, sometimes as companions (Aristotle’s concept of the daimon), or even as parts of ourselves (Jung’s idea of the gods as our diseases).

Recently, owing to a general rise in rational, logical thought, even in religious circles, the idea of invisible bad men tempting and bedeviling mortals has become far-fetched.  Except in Oklahoma, where apparently, it is a law.

But the world is a place of balance, and when something arises to fill a void, that void has to go somewhere.  Demons?  They’ve fallen from their place of prominence into the worst cesspool imaginable:

Pop Culture.

Know Your Strengths.  Know Your Weaknesses.  Know Your Demons.

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Many of you who watched our first episode were startled and horrified by a some footage in which Emmett believed he found a demon in our apartment.  He referred to this creature as “Pazuzu.”  And then it turned out to…not be a demon.

Considering that most of Emmett’s knowledge of demons comes from watching movies and bad sci-fi shows, and most of Greg’s come from lies and outright ignorance, I thought I’d delve into the grand history of some of these beasts, and how they’ve become bastardized shadows of their former selves in this day and age.

Think of this as a VH1’s “Behind the Music” for the infernal.

Arguably, Pazuzu’s most famous and recognizable role was in “The Exorcist,” where he possessed the young girl Regan MacNeil.  The movie is fantastic, but like a Hollywood star without a good agent or manager (which you figure Hell would have in abundance), Pazuzu went on to make two sequels to the Exorcist and two prequels (which were essentially the same movie), and even made a “humorous” turn in Scary Movie 2.

Between the time of the first Exorcist, it’s sequels, and 2004-05, when the damned prequels were made, Pazuzu spent his time selling his image to various companies and projects.  Notably, these included the animated musical group The Gorillaz and Squaresoft (now Square-Enix) for their Final Fantasy series of videogames.

But before this poor devil fell into an unlife of brand dilution, he was a king among demons.  He was worshiped and feared in the Babylonian culture, where he was depicted with the body of a man, the head of a lion or dog, taloned feet like a hawk or eagle, two pairs of wings, a scorpion tail, and a serpentine penis.

(Which the makers of The Exorcist conveniently left out of their interpretation.)

Not only that, but the dude was POWERFUL.  He was the bringer of plague and famine, the Demon of the Southwest Wind, who was invoked to keep away other demons, even protecting pregnant women the Queen of Demons Lamashtu (after their brief, but bitter affair, he got a restraining order).

Guy was so bad-ass that he kept other demons out of his hood, know what I’m sayin’?

But those days are all behind him now, and while we may yet see another movie that brings Pazuzu back to his days of badassery and demon-killing, more than likely, it’ll just be another tired sequel (or at this point, remake) of The Exorcist.

So, if you’re ever playing Final Fintasy: Mystic Quest (god help you in whatever horrible drug trip brings you to it) and you find yourself against Pazuzu, think of his horrible pestilential breath killing all your crops and cattle, driving your family to starvation and death of plague, and piss yourself.  For him.

Because he certainly deserved better.