My Book is Called: (drum roll in your mind—)

THE NECRONOM-I-CAN

WRITER’S NOTE: I wanted a positive, self-assertive title that also showed this is gonna be about ghosts. No one seemed to like the other title: “DON’T BE DEAD.”

Today, I’ll be starting with the introduction. I’ve been working really hard on the idea of the “soft sell.” If you’ve got any good feedback, thanks!

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INTRODUCTION:

DON’T LET THIS HAPPEN TO YOU

The words contained herein are true. This is me, talking to you in book/words form. I am Greg Benevent, amateur Ghost Pursuer World Class, IWR disciple level “Purple.”

This is my words.

Lisa Stanton was a good girl with a good life. She had a few bucks, was pretty hot, and lived in an apartment by a supermarket where pretzels were usually on sale. Life was good.

Was.

WAS.

WAS

Past tense.

(NOTE: if you can’t read it on your computer, the “WAS” above the “Past Tense” was underline.)

There was a ghost in her apartment, she knew it. Doors closed, mists appeared, claw marks were clawed at her ankles when she wasn’t naked and sometimes when she was.

She saw an awesome ghost show on the internet; that was totally better than any other ghost show except for Ghost Hunters.  It was called Bumps in the Night and she thought about in the Night, at night. She thought to herself: “I don’t have to listen to the roguishly-handsome-yet-brilliantly-wise ghost pursuers, I have a paying job.”

Later, she also thought to herself: “I could’ve used them as a resource: like an encyclopedia, a dictionary, or my sink.”

And then after that, she thought even more that: “I should’ve realized those guys are here to help me no matter what, and not be avoided, even when they’re wearing flannel cause it was the only thing around at the coffee shop adjoining the supermarket with cheap pretzels.”

But by the time she thought all that, she was dead.

The ghost attacked, and she was dead.

This DIDN’T have to happen.

If only she’d bought the Necronom-I-Can, the book you have in your hands. That you hopefully bought, if you’re holding someone else’s copy, or at a library or you’ve downloaded one on the ITunes, go buy your own. Thanks.

Because in the battle/exploration against ghosts, the living are all in it together, unless you’re a traitor. Or a zombie. Or both.

Lisa didn’t know that, then. Until she was dead.

Because I am Lisa.

And that, was my story.

WRITER’S NOTE: I’m really not sure about that last part. I mean, it sounds really really REALLY cool, but it’s not true, because I’m not Lisa. And I’m already worried about making up too much for this book, because I already made up Lisa completely. So, like, I don’t know.

I do like it, though. Anyway, italics:

In this book, there will be many chapters that could save your life, and your soul. There are also chapters that, if you misread, could destroy your life and your soul. This book is like a supernatural, spiritual airbag.

You can’t be in your “child’s seat” to read this, metaphysically.

That’s a little ghost pursuer joke.

Speaking of which, there will be many chapters about ghost pursueing.

Fighting a ghost.

Seducing a ghost.

Dunking a ghost.

All of the above.

Both.

Ghosts, What’s Up With Them?

Hunts I Have Known.

A Theesis on the Hope of Love.

Great Mysteries, and Things Other People Could Do To Solve Them.

Killing Death.

Playing Cards with the Devil.

Playing Other Games of Chance Against Other Supernatural Figures (hints from the pros!)

We’ll (by “We” I mean “I, Me, When I’m Writing This Book”) will answer your questions on love, relationships — while looking at the supernatural in history and horror movies, and even my own life.

How to Tell if a Ghost is Attacking You, Right Now.

I Think a Ghost Is Attacking My Friend/Spouse/Significant Other/Pet/Car, What Do I Say? (hint: aggressive, and non-sequitiurish! Ghosts don’t see it coming!!! But I can’t tell you more, I want you to read the chapter. READ)

Talking About Ghosts Without Sounding Completely Insane (I’ll show you! It’s much easier easier than you think!!!)

What I Know and Can Tell You About the Upcoming Ghost/Supernatural Plan to Destroy/Take Over the World.

What I CAN’T Tell You About the Upcoming Ghost/Supernatural Plan to Destroy/Take Over the World.

Thank You to Friends!

And More!

WRITER’S NOTE: Even though that was supposed to be just the introduction, I notice it’s at four pages. That has to be at least a chapter, maybe two chapters. Two and a half?

Anyway, soon, I’ll have something up from the start of book, Chapter Three!

Remember: “Fear Nothing,” when I’m not around!

WRITER’S NOTE: I’m trying to make that a catch phrase. Does anyone know how to make like, shirts and pictures and mixes there? Thanks!